July 4^th, 2005

Well its July 4^th I don’t know what’s going on today I’m writing this entry early in the morning 2:30 A.M. listening to My Immortal. I decided not to write things everyday on my entry because it’s too much to read for some people lol. I haven’t been able to sleep at night because I do most of my sleeping in the morning because sometimes missions pop up and I want to be well rested. That kind of backfired on me and turned me nocturnal. Humm just like being at home when I go to the clubs ha-ha.

Mother fucking bugs are still biting me here. It’s like 5 types of mother fucking bugs that won’t leave me alone. The only nice bugs that I have around me are the Dragonflies. They rule I like dragonflies.

Here are somewhat the summary of the days before July 4^th:

1)      My platoon sergeant told me to draw Iraqi flags on the Humvee that the Iraqi soldiers ride on. Yea thinking that they would like it because it’s more pride on their behalf is fucking wrong. They don’t appreciate shit that we do for them fuckers. So I’m pissed! Yea that was hard to understand oh wells ha-ha.

2)      It’s getting hotter and hotter here. I got a tan lol. It’s weird when I get a tan I get all shiny and stuff.   

3)      I’ve been trying to save money up until I get back home on August and it’s been a bitch because I’m a shopaholic. Even if there are no fucking stores around here I manage to buy shit on line. I have a problem aaaaaaaaahh. I just bought 3 shirts for 200 bucks from London. FUCK!

4)      I’ve finished more lyrics during my time off.

5)      I saw our dog Rocket again. He’s a dog that we found sitting on top of some rockets inside a bad guy’s house.

6)      There are 3 kittens living under my platoon sergeants trailer park home. I can’t catch the mother fuckers because every time I go near them they run and hide where I can’t reach them. They are so fucking cute lol.

7)      One more month until I visit home again for two weeks. I don’t know exactly when I’ll be back on August but I know for sure that I will make each day worth while.

8)      I’ll be promoting for Dr. Octo-pussy (A DJ who holds up events in Philly) while I’m here in Iraq.

9)      This whole week I’ve been thinking about new Logos for Violent Whispers. Basically I’m setting up some promotional ideas to get us back in track.

Up until today was just a normal boring day. Boring is somewhat a good thing here because people are safe. I think. Whatever!

July 5, 2005

Well another day another dollar. I thought that this morning there would not be any mission but I was wrong. I didn’t mind the mission at all it was very interesting but the only thing that pissed me off was that my Humvee kept dying on me. Fucking piece of shit! The longer I’m here the more I hate the Humvee, in the beginning I thought that it was the shit but I look at it now and think it’s a piece of shit. Okies there are some positives to it but I prefer driving a regular car. Of course not here!

Ya I still have not been able to sleep normally because I do my sleeping in the morning after every mission. Then get up again to go on a second mission the same day. I usually go to the computer center (A block away from my trailer park home) like really late at night to chat with people and check my email. Lately I’ve been researching on some clubs I want to hit up when I get back. There is only one Industrial/gothic club in the Philippines which sucks balls because I’ll be there for a month and my house is like 3 hours away from it. Shit! I will most definitely check it out when I do go there.

Yea I say many things like I’m going to London and drive cross country to check different clubs and states out. Hopefully I will stick to that idea. I decided that I have to bring someone to London with me but I don’t know yet. I decided that I will be driving cross country by myself and just meet people that I met on Myspace. I’m such a fucking looser ha-ha.

As the days get closer for me to get home I started to focus more on Violent Whispers. I see a bright future for the band. Random thoughts have been entering my mind on how we can approach the music scene. I set aside money just for the band so when I get back we can buy some new shit. Watch out Philly we will be coming back as a strong force. Then again it will take a little bit of time to get on track first but I have no doubt in band so we will accomplish our goals.

4^th of July kind of sucked because we didn’t blow anything up. By being in the military I would have thought that we at least pop some rounds off into the air but I was wrong. Right now its 2am again can’t fucking sleep but I have to because I have to wake up and fix my stupid Humvee. I signed up as an infantry man not a fucking mechanic shit!

Here is my rout that I will take when I do go cross country:

1)      Washington DC, MD (I just want to see really kick ass gothic people and check out what I have been sent here to defend. DC is not bad I’ve been there before)

2)      Atlanta, GA (I been there but just the air port)

3)      Miami, FL (I want to get fucked up and pass out on the beach)

4)      New Orleans, LA (The center of Voodoo in the US, Fuck yea I have to check this shit out, There’s also tits everywhere you look on Bourbon St.)

5)      Alexandria, LA ( Have to stop by and chill out with a friend, it’s a really shitty town but it’s worth the effort just for her)

6)      Huston, TX (You would think I would go to Dallas, but it brings me too many memories of an old friend, I didn’t like the city anyways it’s so dead)

7)      San Francisco, CA ( I have family there so I can stay over their house to save money)

8)      Los Angeles, CA (I want to see Hollywood and step on Bruce Lee’s foot prints)

9)      Fresno, CA ( I think I have a cousin that lives there)

10)  Seattle, WA (The mother fucking RAVES!)

11)  Boise, ID ( I want to see a potato farm and check out the Clubs)

12)  Chicago, IL (Goth Central, SIKE but I know there’s got to be some cool clubs there)

13)  Brooklyn, NY (RAVE and I want to climb the Statue of Liberty again, the outside part this time)

14)  Boston, MA (I have no clue why I want to go there but I heard the Raves are kick ass)

15)  Philadelphia, PA (HOME I love PHILLY!)

This is possible if I don’t end up broke when I come back from the Philippines and London. Most likely this is not going to happen but a man can dream right!

OH I’m most definitely going to London and the Philippines! I’m brining someone with me but I’m not sure yet! Line up bitches! Let the ass kissing begin!  

July 6, 2005

Well today my Humvee was sort of blown up, during a mission today a remote detonated bomb blew up next to it. Luckily no one was really injured. It felt like a car crash. At first I was in shock because I thought people got hurt in my Humvee but everyone was ok. It was loud as hell and the whole inside of were filled with dust. After the explosion everything was somewhat in slow motion for me. I was the driver so I tried not freak the fuck out. After everything was under control we just look back and said what the fuck.

When we got back to the base I had to get checked out for any injuries to my body. They even had to check my nuts. The medic told me to pull down my pants and I was like “are you fucking serious”. Its part of the procedures that they had to conduct on injured personnel. 

After that I went back to my trailer park home and went to sleep. I took some pictures of the Humvee that I was driving and the shrapnel that hit it. All in all I’m fine, alive and kicking. I’m just grateful that no one was really hurt. That was fucking crazy.

I guess things aren’t so boring around here after all. It’s when the least that you expect something will happen something happens. Weird man!

June 21, 2005

Since I haven’t been able to write on my xanga in a while, I decided to start writing on my laptop about each day that is given to me. I’ve been very busy since I got back to my regular base. The only time I’m really able to write about the things that are going on around here is when I’m about to go to sleep or when I’m on Radio guard. The messed up thing is that I don’t have internet access. The only time I have it is when I walk about two blocks on sand to go to the phone/internet center (It’s not that bad really I just want it to sound worse).

I’m not really able to shout out my thoughts because I only have 30 minutes on the freaking computers. That’s a freaking tease. Usually I check my AOL mail, Vampirefreaks profile, Myspace profile, Xanga, and my bank account. With so many computers in one room the computers run a little slow so by the time I’m able to write something on my xanga I only have about 5 minutes.

Anyhoo………here is what happened today.

Since I’ve been here I’ve been meeting a lot of new friends on line. Yea I’m a looser so what else am I suppose to do on line look at porn (Which we are not allowed to look at tee hee). Anyways let me get back to my point. I’ve met a lot of very interesting people, people that I knew from the clubs or just around the city. Yes, also friends that I knew thru Violent Whispers which are the coolest people around ha! I have a whole list of people to hang out with now when I get back but I’m afraid that I’ll forget one lol. It’s just me I guess the guilty conches part of me. Hopefully I’ll be able to hang out with the people I promised.

Today’s mission was not so bad. Actually the missions this whole week was not bad at all because we all came back to the base safe and sound. This whole week I also had the room to myself because my room mate went on his leave. Ha! Privacy finally! I’m able to finish some of my lyrics and poems. Listen to music as loud as I want to and sleep when ever I feel like it.  This whole week there has been a weird haze every morning. I don’t know if it’s sand from the sand storms or just fog. It was hot in the beginning of the week about 105 degrees. But as the week passed it got a little better. I guess because the sun was covered by clouds. The winds still feels like a freaking blow dryer though.

When I got back from my mission today I went to get some food and go check my emails. I was able to talk to Jessica today a new friend of mine that I met thru the internet. She’s a really cool person to talk to because she’s like not a person who waits for you to say something for her to say something. That I think is a really cool thing about her. She is into Photography so I could learn some things from her. She’s young so I consider her as my sister lol. Don’t worry CC, Monica, Diana, Erica and Sarah you are all still my sisters.

When I finished I walked back to my little trailer park house. The moon was out and bright as a mother fucker. It was a nice glow. I loved it because while I was walking everything around me was lit up. When you think the place you are walking to is dark it’s not because the moons light is spread evenly. It’s so freaking beautiful. I wanted to stay outside and just watch the moon all night but I have to get up in the morning to fix a stupid Humvee tomorrow. I guess that’s one of my dreams just to watch the moon with someone until the sun comes up again. I kind of did that with only one person and that was an old ex of mine Christina before I left the Philippines around 1999. I had feelings for her but I had to let her go because I didn’t want her to wait for me. We were officially girl friends and boy friends but I don’t consider her as an actual relationship because it was really short. I believe a relationship is considered a relationship when it’s about 6 months or more. I don’t really believe on long distance relationships because it sucks ass. I want the physical warmth of the person not a letter. It’s not the same.

Anyways I’m in my room now typing away on my laptop. I’ll post all these entries when I get on radio guard.

I have an AIM name now it’s xViolentshockx.

June 22, 2005

Today I wasn’t able to wake up on the right time because for some reason my alarm didn’t go off. Probably in the darkness last night I knocked it off or something. So I was woken up by Stryker. Speaking of Stryker he’s one of my buddies here. He’s cool as hell because he’s like the only person who I can relate to.

We got to the IA compound around 9 to do our duties and supervise the IA soldiers with some details. We had to put some Hesco barriers up. We didn’t really do much we just watched them and gave them water. That was done like around lunch time.

After lunch I had some energy left so I decided to write some lyrics. I ended up finishing a song titled “Assimilation”. It’s basically a story of a person who is forced to be like everyone else but deep inside he has things that won’t make him. It’s really abstract so if people listen to it they could make up their own stories about the song. I like being abstract with my lyrics because it opens a lot of doors to the imagination.

When I finished writing I fell asleep. I didn’t go to dinner chow because I didn’t want to put all my shit on like, weapon, helmet, and my vest. Yea you have to wear all that shit to go eat. I don’t have to wear it while I’m eating but it just blows that I have to wear it to go eat.

I got on to my PT uniform and walked to the gym with Stryker. We worked out for about 45 minutes. We use to go for like 3 hours and get nothing out of it. Now we go to the gym for only 45 minutes but we work harder so we gain something out of it.

After that I went back to my little trailer and had some conversations with some guys. Then I got a hair cut. My hair was getting a little too long. It was out of regulation and I was just waiting for someone to yell at me for it. I always get bitched at for my hair. I was planning to go and get some food like around 12 midnight that night and check my email but I got lazy and went to sleep.

I’m actually writing this entry in the middle of the day June 23, 2005. I’ll write about this date later on tonight.

Laters

June 23, 2005

Today basically was somewhat like a chill out day. Our squad worked in the morning putting up some barriers. That went on up until lunch time. After lunch I went to maintenance with Stryker to drop of the shitty Humvee. He ended up staying there for about 20 minutes then he decided to walk back to the trailer park homes that we live in.

Once again I fell asleep to kill the day way. Yea each day is special but then again being here in Iraq is not special. When I woke up I was told that our platoon had to go on a promotion ceremony for people who were getting promoted to sergeant. We were lined up with the IA soldiers during the ceremony. The people getting promoted were people from our platoon which was Koo. When people get promoted they get pinned (literally) with the rank on their collars. When the pin on rank is on the collars of the soldiers the other sergeants congratulates them by hitting the pin into their bodies making them bleed. I didn’t want to hurt them so I just gave them a light tap. They were already bleeding so it was funny enough for me. The last guy I hit harder then the rest because he told me to before the ceremony.

I didn’t go to dinner chow today. I just decided to have some conversations with my squad leader and my other buddies of what’s going on around us. Basically we are all fed up with all the bullshit that’s going on here but we can’t do shit about it. This is what sucks about the military.

After our little conversations I decided to go to the gym to work out for about an hour and a half. I’m supposed to be teaching break dancing classes at the gym. People have been asking about my class in the morning which is cool to hear because that means I’m getting some sort of feed back on the classes. Now I know for sure that there are people interested. I can’t wait to teach the class. I can’t break dance very well but I could learn new moves with other people around me.

When I came back from my little work out, I decided to watch a late movie with the guys. We watched a move called Honey. Jessica Alba is the shit. She’s smoking hot. I guess every girl on TV is smoking hot because I haven’t seen a real woman for a couple of months. Yea the women here in Iraq don’t count. They are soldiers………………bla………it’s hard to talk to them because for every girl here there’s like 12 guys surrounding them thinking the same thing (I don’t have to draw a picture). Fucking cock blocks lol. There is a saying here “women get it while you can because when you go home you’ll be ugly again” Ha!

Right now while I’m writing this entry I’m listening to an industrial band called Hocico. It’s fucking evil as shit. It makes you want to blow shit up. I usually listen to music before I go to sleep or while I’m going to sleep. It’s kick ass to have the room to myself for 4 weeks.

Laters

June 24, 2005

Aahh! Friday, usually Fridays back home would be the shit because it’s the beginning of the weekend and that’s the time to party, but not here. I woke up early because I thought I had to do some details at the IA compound but it got cancelled so I decided to waste the day away by sleeping. As 12 in the afternoon came I woke up to knock on my door telling me to help pick up the stupid fucked up Humvee at maintenance. I waited until 1:30 for nothing because it got picked up already. I was also told that I had to go on a mission today.

The mission wasn’t so bad because we all came back safe which I’m very thankful for. Missions are successful when everyone gets back to the base even if we don’t find anything or kill anyone. Just taking it one step at a time, I guess.

You know what really sucks I wake up in the morning with fucking bug bites. Stupid fucking sand flies. They are like horse flies and mosquitoes put together, fucking mutants. They bit me all over my neck waking me up. Shit! Thankfully these little bastards aren’t around in Philly.

Well after the mission I got myself to go to eat dinner. After dinner I went strait to the computer center to check on my email. The fucked up thing was that the computers were acting stupid there. They were slow as hell so I got frustrated and left. If it was my world I would have picked up the stupid thing and throw it against the wall. 

I came back still a little early so I took a shower because I stank like sweat. I didn’t go to the gym today because I wanted to rest. I decided to watch another movie called Shoalin soccer. The funny thing about it is that it’s a stupid concept for a movie but you’ll be surprised how good it is. Yea it’s all fake but it has many great moments. It’s like watching a funny ass anime.

Right now I’m listening to some evanescence before I go to sleep. I usually listen to slow chill music when I go to sleep but it’s been different lately I’m able to sleep thru hard shit. Like In Flames, Hatebreed, Shadows Fall or even some black metal from time to time. I guess by being here I’ve fallen more into so much music categories. Anyhoo as of right now I’m still getting bit by the mother fucking flies. You can’t fucking see them until they bite the shit out of you mother fuckers.

Ha!

Currently Playing Demon Days By Gorillaz see related

Well as of right now my shift is almost over. Man I’m fucking tired. 12 hours is not bad I guess. I use to do 24 hours of radio guard. Man when I get back to my room I’m going to be knocked the fuck out.

I was able to chat to some people to day which was koo. I also hooked up some pics to  put on my profiles. Boredom consumed me so.

As of these 4 days my squad is training squad our job for 4 days is to train the IA 2^nd platoon. Sometimes I feel as if it’s pointless to teach them because when it gets to the actual thing they do their own thing.

Sandstorms has been a bitch lately. Last night there was a semi sandstorm. It wasn’t as bad as the one two days ago which covered my room up with 3mm of fucking dust. The temperature is getting worse here. It hit about 130 degrees yesterday. The sun wasn’t as hot has the wind that blew your face. Once you walk out the door it feels like gigantic hair dryer is in your face.

It’s weird that I don’t sweat that much. I think I’m not drinking enough water or something.

Man I’m tired!

As always it’s getting bad over here. Mother fuckers have been using mines now. Shit I guess IED and suicide bombers aren’t enough. When the fuck are these people going to realize that we won’t leave until we say we want to leave. Well except for me I want to get the fuck out of here.

I often wonder am I going to be the same person when I get back. Hopefully in a positive way, not no psychotic war trauma shit.

Oh yea speaking of crazy shit my Platoon made it to the cover of The Washington Post. The biggest news paper in the United States, the funny thing is that the truth came out in that article. These politicians think that the IAs are ready to take care of their own but from their own mouth they say it will take them a thousand years to be up to date. Now with that statement it made the higher up people look like shit because it made them look like they lied to their county(US) which they did because the don’t know what the fuck is going on here they just watch the news and make stupid opinions.

As a trainer we know their capabilities. As for the politicians they don’t know jack shit and they just assume that the IAs are ready. Fucking idiots, they don’t want to hear the truth or what our opinions are because they run the fucking show not us. Even if we are the ones who is getting down and dirty. While they sit in their political asses, inside an office.  

Basically what my platoon did was set this shit back. We made the front cover of the biggest news paper in the US. The president read our article which is fucking funny.

Laters

Ry

Currently Playing Storm By Assemblage 23 see related

Ok I figured out when exactly I fall asleep. I fall asleep around 4 in the morning. I have no clue why.

My last enty I was really pissed. I'm sorta ok now. I got some rest. It still sucks here.

Lately I've been jotting down phrases in my book to place in my lyrics. It's some psycho shit!

I bought a printer so it's easier for me to write to people back home. I don't get much letters but when I do I'm usually hella busy.

The sandstroms stopped but I bet it will come back sooner or later. I will not set foot on a beach for a year after this shit.

Funny thing I found out today. Chris Brickhouse of PAhardcore.com(the web master) had a band. The weird thing is that his former drummer is in the same plattoon as I am. Werid shit! We swaped music. Thier music is about the same as ours, which is really koo. Of course their recording is better. But fear not Violent Whispers is not a broke band anymore we have money ahahahahahahahah!

Okies i guess that's it for now.

Currently Playing Cruelty and the Beast By Cradle of Filth see related

 I had a little talk with my buddy today during dinner. I realized that's I'm really stressed. I'm probably not the only on this place who is stressed but I sure am feeling it.

In life we have something to look forward to each day. Here all we have to look forward to is home which is so far away and another safe day passed. Last night I could not sleep because everytime I close my eyes I think of home. It's freaking me out. I try to think of something else like the things around me but what's around me is all bull shit.

I guess this is what you call combat stress. It's really fucked up! I try to think of other things that are positive but most of it is home. By me doing that it makes me miss it even more. It's like digging a big ass hole and not being able to get the fuck out.

I have been bitching and complaining a lot too. Fuck!

I hate sand. It's been 2 fucking days of sand storms. It's like a blizzard but 10 times worse. You can't breath that well and your room gets filled with a coat of dust. Yea even if the doors and windows are shut. Flies have been a problem to where the fuck are they comming from aaaaaaaah.

Anyway that's enough of my realization bitching mode.

August baby august! 2 fucking weeks of individuality! To be myself to be with people who are like me. Shit I hate the fucking army!